Hey men – this is easy really when you consider what our (women) weakness is . We are helpless when you tell us things – using words — even better.

The story is old, I realize that women talk “too” much and men are always waiting for the bottom line – all the while their minds are drifting to something else until you finish your yammering. For women, we continually agonize that you never say anything, or don’t say enough, or don’t let us in on what you’re thinking. Now that we’ve cleared that up, here are some pointers from my experience to help you.

If you like a woman, for any reason regardless if you just want a close friend, or you are attracted to her, or you just want a playmate, whatever the case is listen up.

Even if you are getting unwanted attention, or you’re not sure how to discourage her from being interested in you – this list should work like a charm as well.

On the discouragement scale 1-5 these will work great on her.I would say most score at least a 3. :]

TEN WAYS

1. When close to her be sure and point out as many women as possible in the area that look amazing.  Regardless if you do this to just a “good friend” that hangs out with you- the problem is we women are born with a nature that constantly needs reassurance on our own attractiveness. Even if we are “helping” you look for possible dating material, this is still painful.

2. Never tell her she looks good, never notice what she wears, or her hair, or any detail you like- just keep it to yourself. When you say nothing – in her mind she thinks you don’t approve.

3.  Always talk about yourself and never ask her about her life, or anything she’s involved with.

4. Always ask her for help, favors and other tasks you know she is good at.  Even you if you thank her, be sure and not pour too much on and tell her how much she’s helped you – how much she means to you.

5. After doing something you’ve asked – be sure and complain about something she left out.

6. When you see a flaw in her, find out she messed up, noticed she’s embarassed – be sure and ignore it and don’t offer any comfort whatsoever.

7.  Notice a day she withdraws her attention from you and then say something.

8. Invite her to lunch and then during -  act detached.

9. Check your phone a lot while sitting with her.

10. Be sure and clam up every day or so – especially after being attentive.

Here are the truths that I’ve discovered. I welcome comments if you also live as I do.

One: I have learned to understand that I will never be truly content with most decisions I make about -  well, just about everything. We are the people that have unfinished work because we are too frustrated. We might justify storing our salad dressings alphabetically because “order” (not to be confused with OCD) is a result of wanting everything to look & feel perfect.  My mother had both OCD and perfectionism (see wiki link below) and I was never quite sure if the two were interrelated or even if it matters.

Two: We see it in other people and it might appear annoying when it’s someone else. The result is normally beautiful work (should they be artistic) although it may take forever to finish their projects.  If they don’t have an artistic bent they may live in such an orderly fashion as to drive their friends crazy.

Three: We are stuck with indecision constantly. This leads to depression. We are never “happy” after a decision. We will shop endlessly for the perfect “whatever” and then go back and buy the 1st one we saw. Our grass will never be green enough. The person we date will never live up to the expectations of what we “think” we want.

Regarding love. Let me say this and be done with it. Stop looking for it like you shop for a car. by the time you get all the accessories you want  and place your order – a newer, better car will hit the market. You will never win.  Do this – let love find “you” instead.

I will end here because I will never be satisfied if this article is too extensive or too short with not enough information.  I will probably check the spell-check six times before the end of this sentence. *checks*

I have learned over time to relax and let the world revolve without me, let my 5th draft be the last, save my painting as the “final” even though I’m never “sure” if it’s done, and give my friends a break when I see flaws in them. In fact, lately, the more flaws- the more I love you.  I am learning – finally – that there can be peace. Embrace your life the way it is.

note: My dressings are not in alpha order…..    anymore. Okay- they ARE all on the same shelf at all times or I -sigh- .

2nd note: We are the only ones that add 2nd notes. Also don’t be confused if you see visible dirt in a perfectionist’s home. We probably got stuck at the market 6 different times figuring which cleaner was best to get that out.

some good reads:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Perfectionism_%28psychology%29

http://quinncreative.wordpress.com/2007/07/01/the-exhausted-perfectionist

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